Boob B Gone

Well, today is the 9th day after surgery and I feel really good. I have been so blessed with great surgeons, a great family, and wonderful friends. We went in yesterday and Dr Wintch took out all but 3 staples and also removed my drains. That was a great relief as they kind of pulled and were a pain in the butt. I can raise my arm a little bit and it's not nearly as numb as it was, all in all everything is good. The pathology reports were good and so we are looking to the future to get to the next step.

If y' all ever questioned weather your prayers are answered, look no further than me. The surgery that they thought would take 8 hours was accomplished in under 4. They had to remove one lymph node that was under my collar bone and in order to do so they had to remove a piece of one rib. The lymph node sits right on your mammary artery and also on the sack that surrounds your lungs. They called in a heart surgeon to assist in removing it and were quite nervous about it. I could sense every time the talked about it that it was definitely a concern to them. After the surgery Dr Wintch said that when they went it, they got it on the first try with out puncturing my lung or the artery. I feel infinitely lucky\blessed about everything. I am healing great and my spirits are really good. Still a little tired, but getting more energy every day. Before the surgery Cliff's Dad and Mom knelt down and Cliff's' Dad offered one the most heart felt prayers I have ever heard on my behalf. They drove all the way from Colorado with Cliff's brother Les for the surgery and I appreciate and love them so much.

I have to thank Mom and my girls for all their work and support. They were champs from driving me to the doctor to , staying at the hospital 24-7 with me, to the aftermath of nursing and secretarial duties. What a wonderful gift to have such women in my life. Toby called constantly and I know he would have come if needed. Traci and Alecia called almost everyday and I love them both so much. We did not even tell Cheyenne as we felt she was too young to understand and it would just scare her. Also to all of our family members who called, sent cards, prayers, flowers, and books, thank you forever for your love.

Now to Clifford. If there is a more perfect man on this planet, I don't know who he is. If any of you have missed it, I am 18 years older than Cliff (I know blah, blah, blah age doesn't matter) But the first thing you start to question when you lose a part of what makes you so uniquely feminine is, will I still be desirable, will I still be who I was, will IT be the same. Then throw in the insecurity of age, and the fact that your body has just been forever altered, and not in a attractive way, and you can see the head trip that can happen. I tell you I was terrified for Cliff to see the wound site. I was afraid of his reaction and how it might make him feel. I even resisted him seeing it initially. I don't know if I was just trying to prolong it, or what but I can tell you what ever my idea was, he changed that. He got right in there and was the first one to see it. In fact helped the doctor change the bandages, and with real sincerity in his voice said, "It's not that bad baby, you are gonna be pleased." It sure made it easier for me to take that first look. He has been there for me every minute and has been a rock even when I could see he was scared, he was there when they took me to surgery and made me promise that I would come back, he was there when the girls crashed and burned and held them when they cried. He was there for the grand kids explaining it to them and telling them Mima was gonna be OK. And he has cooked, cleaned, washed, mowed, shuttled, shopped, and nursed and looked damn fine and sexy every step of the way.

Last night we celebrated by our first night out. I was a little nervous as the stuffed boob isn't quite the same (HA). But we had a real good time. Randy Andersen's band was at the Virgin River and we got there early to get a seat (a little aside, I can't see how they are so popular, they are not that good but just pack that place) We only danced a couple slow dances, I was OK but Cliff was so nervous that someone would bump me and hurt me) Cliff had a few beers while I stuck to ginger ale. He finally broke last night and told me how scared he had been and how relieved he was that I was so much better. He said, "when they took you out of there to go to surgery, all I could think of is, how will I make it if she doesn't come back. How will I live without my best friend ?" I can tell you I have never felt so much love from a man. He is a giant and I thank God every day for him and all our kids. That my friends is a blessing beyond comprehension.

Beautiful Day

I woke up early and watched the sunrise! What a beautiful morning. My friend Linda Peterson sent me this poem last night and I took it to heart!

A Gift

I was given a gift wrapped shabbily, it was not returnable.
Non-refundable, I reluctantly accepted.

In it I found courage I never knew existed
And patience far beyond anything I ever experienced.
I was given the ability to trust a stranger with that most dear to me
And an endurance for the unknown

I was given unconditional love of family and friends,
Always there, never stopping, never faltering.
I was given many prayers from far and wide and warmth of knowing
That I was really truly cared about.

I was given a fond farewell of my modesty and vanity and the
Acceptance and love of an imperfect body.
I was given a strong shoulder to lean on and laughter and good times
More special than ever before

I was given many new friends
Wonderful, courageous women that I am proud to know
I was given warm sunshine, beautiful green grass, blue skies.
and sparkling city lights

I was given things to see that once before were ignored
I was given a chance to wake up
Instead of sleepwalking thru life
I was given every glorious day to enjoy, every month to savor, every year to rejoice

I was given the gift of live
I was given breast cancer

Pre Surgery Drama

Well today Teddi and I spent all day in St George having EKG's blood work, sonograms etc. I am tired of this already and it hasn't even begun yet. The good news is the sonogram did not show any malignancy in the left breast. That sounds good, but what it really means is not yet. They will look at it in 6 months and see what they see. So as for now it's right breast only. Girls, a word. I hate to tell you but your mammogram only means that you don't have ADVANCED breast cancer. It does not show early stages at all. So if you have even a small lump, or ANY change in your breast tissue, be very aggressive in making your doctor go further. That mammogram just lulls everyone into a false sense of security. My girl friend had a completely clean mammogram in February and they just did a double mastectomy the 28th of August. Be aggressive!!!!!When they tell you, "I wouldn't worry!" What that means is, it's not my breast, so I wouldn't worry. I will guarantee you, you better worry!! Enough of that.

Here is a picture of our new shelf that has my Dad and Grandpa Dodd's memorabilia. Also my handsome grandson Tony and his new dog "Killer"! I love it. Cliff did a wonderful job. Tomorrow night we are going to the Elk's Rodeo in St George, It is a PRCA santioned rodeo and is usuall pretty good. We go every year and have fun. It will be my last hurrah before surgery so I am looking forward to a good time. I am ready for fall and my jeans and boots. It's a cowboy lovin night!

I am feeling good and strong! So look out world here we come. Surgery is set for Friday at 2:00 mountain time so have a good thought and a long prayer for us!!Love Ya All

A Distant Mammary

Well, surgery is scheduled for Friday sometime in the afternoon. I am so happy. Right now it will be a right breast mastectomy with re-construction. Sounds like I should come out with a new boob huh, well, not so much. But I will have the start. Then after radiation, they will actually finish the process. They are doing a MRI guided biopsy of my left breast tomorrow to see if the abnormal cells there are malignant. If they are, I'm not sure what they will do, but that is to think about another day. Right now I am just grateful to get the other one taken care of. As to the title of today's blog, remember if laughter truly is the best medicine, I should be well in about a week. Cliff was giving me a hug and said, "Honey, soon all of this will just be a distant mammary." We about died laughing!!! Then he told me to tell Toby that we would "keep him abreast of things!" He always makes me feel better.

I sent a pattern for a knitted BOOB to my friend Claiborne and told her to knit me a double D till they finish the real thing. Nani Woods sent it to me and we laughed cause you knit an areole and a nipple into it, too funny. Nani has been a life saver as has Sharon Dodd, Linda Peterson, Yvonne Johnson, and Yoli Bell. Always good to talk to people who have been through it, they are the people who are so positive. I love you girls and thanks for sharing your battle scars.

Well let's all stay positive, pray for our family and the doc's and as Big Kenny would say, "Love Everybody".

D Day

Well, I finally had a minute and thought I better get up to speed. Yes, I am very positive and plan to stay that way. Life is too short to waste it being miserable. I have how ever much time that I have left on this earth and me and Big Daddy are gonna enjoy it as best we can.

I have been so busy trying to get everything done before surgery. I wanted to make sure no one had to do anything too out of the ordinary while they take care of me(HA). So it was change the beds, wash the windows, scrub the floors, etc. Then I had to buy lots of groceries so Clifford would not starve, get Digger food, well all you girls know what I am talking about. Oh, yes, I had to have new pj's and slippers (matching of course) for the hospital, plus I needed some vanilla brown sugar lotion, bath gel, and spray cause you know that hospital will be stinky and lord knows I have to smell good. So now we are ready and I go to the doctor today and they damn well better tell me we are doing surgery this week or the mushroom cloud you see will be me having a hissy come apart. I will not wait any longer or do any more tests, just get this damn shit out of me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Big Daddy and I went out Friday night honky tonkin and stayed out til 1:30 in the morning. Not bad for old folks (me I mean)I wore my "Checkered Past and Still Damn Fast" skull tee shirt and Cliff wore a different skull with wings tee shirt and everyone thought we were bikers. It was pretty funny. There was the usual suspects at the bar and Clifford got a treat and got to see his little girlfriend "Pork rind". She's a nice ,little bitty, real short (not a midget baby, but close) real plump around the middle, girl we made friends with and Cliff calls her Pork rind. Then all the usual drunks, and a new crew of a mother and two daughters, who were drunk an going up in front of the band and doing their little booty dance in front of poor old Scottie Alexander, the lead singer. It was pretty funny. One of the daughters got up on the stage and took poor old Scottie's mic away from him (tell em that's a no-no Miss Claiborne!). When Scottie finally got her off the stage and heading to the back of the bar, he said "How about those dancing girls, folks?" It got real quiet and then Cliff said (real loud)"Well thank God for the Skeezers" The drunk girl said "what's a Skeezer?" The whole place just cracked up. It was so funny.

Saturday we worked around home all day. Cliff did the yards and I did all the stuff I mentioned above, then we watched the race in Richmond Saturday night. By the time it was over, I was beat. I really over did it and am still paying for it. Sunday we listened to good music and I made bacon and eggs for breakfast. Cliff put my shelf up and then we put my Daddy's boots on it, my oil lamps from Gold Butte, Grandpa Dodd's hat. Cliff's holster, and Dad's Army Song book he gave Tony on it. Cliff hung the Confederate Flag behind it as a tribute to our Southern Heritage and it looks so good. I will take a photo. I was going to today, but the camera batteries are dead.

Then Teddi, Marti, and Oli came out to spend the night, the Mexicans came over, Big Daddy and I made a big ole pot of spaghetti sauce and we pigged out spaghetti, salad, bread, and banana cream pie. I did break poor Leonard's heart when he finally discovered that all those delicious pies he eats at my house are not homemade, He couldn't believe that Marie Calendar was the baker all these years. We about laughed till we were sick cause he said, "I have told everyone "they have never had a pie till they have my mother in laws homemade pies." I said, " Well hell don't change the story now" Too funny!

I will let everyone know when surgery is, probably Friday. Pray, laugh, live with a vengeance, and have happy thoughts for us. I love you all!! Don't forget to pray for Big Daddy and the doctors too!!!!!

Yuck

Well the diagnosis is in and it's Stage 3 breast cancer. To say I really hate this is an understatement. Funny the things life throws at you. I am going in today for a MRI and they will decide what extent the surgery needs to go to (lumpectomy vs mastectomy) and then I guess they will do surgery next week. I don't know when they will start radiation but the doctor did mention that they would do radiation, then I bet I am looking at chemo to even though he didn't say that. He is a nice guy but he may be candy coating it at this stage even though I asked him not to. Anyway Teddi is coming up today to go to the MRI with me and then Cliff will go tomorrow with me for the results and the decision as to surgery.

I wish they would do the surgery now. I hate this waiting, it is really the worst part. It's like just do something!! I guess I will learn patience through this if nothing else. Anyway, I will try to keep up the blog as long as it doesn't get too depressing. I feel good and have a ton on excellent support around me. Cliff, our kids, and my family have all been rocks so just everyone pray for me and have positive thoughts. I love you all............................