Another Weird Wednesday

Had a weird, weird day. Went to treatment and just felt weird all the way through it. This stuff is getting to my liver function and I can tell the difference. It is getting a little better since they changed to the Taxotere but still way too high readings , they have just came down a little. I hate it. I asked my nurse Heather what the difference in the two variations of the drug are and she said the preservatives they use in it. Brother, that's what will kill us all ,all the crap they "put in" what they "put in" us. Anyway Deb Christensen , the cancer care coordinator came by the treatment center and gave us baldies a new hat that the center had just got in . I had to be nice but I cannot imagine anyone wearing this thing. It is a tube about six inches wide and eighteen inches long ( made out of thin jersey) that you can wrap around your head about 3000 ways that are each progressively more hideous and all scream "I am bald and I have cancer so they gave me this butt ugly rag in this putridity garish print so that if I actually have the poor taste to wear this in public, you will all stare at me and think "Oh Goodness, the cancer must be an excuse for having such poor taste that she would actually have to audacity to wear this God awful thing". Anyway I took it and tried to act thankful (and I should have been simply because a kindness was being shown to me) but inside I though some body actually thought this was a good idea (maybe like a Snuggie) and then selfishly acted on their entrepreneurial instincts and manufactured and promoted this blight of the bald and now it is actually being fostered on the sick and weary. How droll.

When I was done with treatment I ran over to Lowe's and got Cliff a hammer drill and a drill bit he needed and when I came out I was so dizzy I had to sit in the car a minute before I felt a little better. Then because I was still light headed, I walked over to Ross and got a couple pots to re pot my pony tail palms in . I had to sit in the car a minute again before I felt like driving but I made it home with out mishap. Hope I don't have to give up my Wednesday alone time outing. I really need the down time but if I feel that way again driving I think I better have Cliff go with me. I hate to cause I know it's no fun sitting there for 6 hours but I know he will do it cause he is just that guy, thank God.

I came home and felt OK so we went to dinner for St Patrick's Day and then hung out at the Eureka for awhile. I even had a Baileys and coffee to celebrate I figured one wouldn't kill me. We got tired real fast of giving them our money so left by 7:00 and we stopped by Charlee Ann's to see the two new walls Angelo had built for the girls in the bedrooms. The walls were fine but the sheet rock patch job looked like Gabrielle did it. I don't know whether Teddi should just say thank you or tell Angelo what a mess they made so he doesn't send them anywhere else and ruin Ang's "fine reputation". Cliff said he can probably fix it where it's passable so the girls can paint this weekend but it is really the poorest Sheetrock patch job I have ever seen.

When we got home I had to get a lien ready for Charles to take to Vegas and file on the La Virgen de Guadalupe Catholic Church. I am trying to help him collect the last bit of monies owed him. It was a job that should have taken 20 minutes but I could not get it to format correctly so that it fit the criteria of the County Recorders Office so after an hour of failed formatting attempts that literally had me in tears ( wahn -wahn I can't do anything right anymore, I probably couldn't Do a job, if I Found a job, I am a freaking idiot , I cannot seem to be able to do anything; and this is after with tears running down my face, I had looked and looked for my glasses and then threw up my hands in despair and finally when Cliff had had enough and walked over and picked my glasses up from under my nose, and handed them to me and said "Maybe your just a little too tired to do this on this particular evening?" To which I intelligently answered, " I should be able to to do this ANY time I damn well please. I use to be able to do this all night and I need to do this TONIGHT." To which he smiled and went back to watching TV. So after an eternity I finished it and to prove my super human strength I filled out some paper work the bank need on Cliff's business account and then completed our 2010 Census form. So there I guess I showed him who's really stupid!

When I was still awake by midnight I knew I was having a tweaker night. Cliff finally got tired of my antics and went to bed at midnight and I have tried everything to fall asleep (even watching the boring stuff in the shopping channels) and here I am at 3:30 in the morning mind racing, worrying about lots of shit that doesn't need my attention and is not even any of my freaking business. You would think I would just relax but no I am binging off the walls like a badly placed Que ball just inches from scratching down the nearest pocket that was not called in this shot. Game Over.