The Big Easy

Well I waited to post anything until I had had a couple days to ease into this thing. And I must say, so far knock on wood) it's been way easier than the seasonal flu. We went to St George on Wednesday morning and I was just a wreak all the way up there, not because of the chemo, but because I had just found out that Charlee Ann had a growth on her right ovary that had twisted around behind her back and was strangling her bowl. This thing is 9 centimeters, like a very large grapefruit. She has been in pain and seeing a doctor at one of the clinics here for about a year, but because (again) she did not have insurance, even though she works for a doctor which I find ironic, she could not get them to so anything about it other than give her pain medication. Once I found out how the non profit hospital in St Gorge worked, I got her the paper work and the Cancer liaison Deb Christianson helped me find an in care doctor who would help her and all this happened as I was walking into start my chemo, sobbing like a baby and begging someone to help my daughter find out if this thing is a malignant growth or benign, There is a crazy correlation between mothers with breast cancer and daughters with ovarian cancer so to say I am scared is an understatement. But it did certainly get my mind off myself real quick!! Anyway long story short we did find a doctor and she is scheduled for surgery on the 26Th (Monday) so one more person on the prayer list. Boy how it grows.

Then my Aunt Teeta died this week (of breast cancer that she refused to treat) and her funeral was today in Orem Utah, wish I could have gone but my thoughts are with her and my love. And my great Aunt Helen is in the hospital in St George just had a 5 bypass on her heart and is doing very will. Wish I could see her but I did call. Just don't think with the chemo I need to be around that many sick people in the hospital. So you can see that I have so many people to pray for by the time I lay down and start praying, I fall asleep and then wake up in the middle of the night and try to remember where I left off. Cliff just laughs at me and reminds me that the Lord knows what's in my heart. It's a good thing cause it sure is full these days.

OK back to the Chemo, so far it has been as mild as mild can be. I went in and they poked what Cliff described as a thumb tack into the port a Cathe (which by the way healed nicely in a few days and was a blessing at the time we had to do more labs and chemo) then they start you on some anti nausea medication that drips for 25 minutes, When she started that I asked her , "is that the devil?" She said "no always remember that the devil is red". After that drip finished, she brought a huge red syringe filled with what looked like red cool aid and being from the "Jim Jones" era that alone scared me. They slowly pushed that in over the next few minutes and then finished off my afternoon cocktail with another chemo drug that was the one that made me feel weird and real loopy. Then we were cut lose and off we went to McDonald's where I ate a southern chicken sandwich with tarter sauce and drank a big coke and felt just fine.

By the time we got home I had started to feel like I had a slight headache and my nose felt kind if weird like it was sort of burning and almost ready to start running but it never did. Then I would have a wave of heat kind of go over me and I would need to burp, but absolutely no nausea. This seemed to happen about every 2 hours and I was kind of agitated and work up about every 2 hours all night. Part of that was I had to pee cause you are suppose to drink 3 litters of water a day and I know how important that is so I am doing it. Yesterday, day 1 I felt great worked around here all day and took care of the baby in the afternoon, cooked dinner, by then I was a little tired so I went to bed at 7:30 more to just lay down and watch TV but I feel asleep and woke up at 5:50 am and here I am. I have to get up and make my baby some coffee. He will be up later. He is a later sleeper that I am.

I know this is turning into a long post but I have to add one thing. Last week when Nani was sick and couldn't have visitors. I wanted to do something for her so I made her one of my mom's favorite recipes a fresh apple cake with butterscotch sauce and whipped cream. I had it all packaged up and called her and told her I would run it up and just ring the door bell so she could get it before the whipped cream got hot. She said she would open the door and as long as I didn't come in or we did not touch it should be OK. So I headed up to her house with cake in hand. When I got to the house and started to get out of the car,the hot butterscotch sauce had tilted a little and I picked it up to straighten it and the top flew off and I dropped it spilling it all over the front of the car seat. I was so mad. I wanted it to be perfect so Nani could have a nice desert. But up to the door I went mess in hand, when Nani opened the door I told her the story and we just laughed. I said there is a little sauce left if you want more you will have to suck it off the seat of the car. We laughed and then she asked me if I wanted to see her hair loss. She had on a little cap and when she pulled it off, she had just a few sparse stands that had turned snow white (she is a blond). I said it's not that bad! But she knew and tears came in her eyes and she said I just can't make myself shave off the rest.

I left and started home and by the time I got here I was just sobbing. I parked the car and came into the house and Cliff looked up and said , What's wrong? I choked out that I had spilled the sauce all over the front seat of the car. By then I was at the sink getting some water in a pan with soap to clean up the mess. He followed me out to the car saying, " It's OK babe we can clean it up, it's not a big deal, nothing to cry about. When we reached the car, I just collapsed on the curb crying and he took the water from me and started to clean up the car. When he was cleaning he turned around and looked ant me and said, this isn't about the sauce is it? I said no, I saw poor Nani's hair and I just cannot look like that. I cannot stand for you to see me like that. He sat down on the curb with me and just hugged me and said, then we will have a shaving party and get rid of it before it bothers you baby, cause we don't care about the hair!! so I started to laugh and the car is OK. And the plan is to shave the hair on Halloween cause that's day 10 when they day it starts to fall out and it's also the scariest day of the year. So depending on how brave I am you may see pictures of the ghost of hair past, we will see.